NAT.

actually im writing this on the 6th of january. because it was on this date a year ago that i first got to know a guy called nathaniel ng liwen. this guy who was my bestest male friend ever.

well, im not really sure whether you'll read this. but i suppose you do have more of an internet life than irwin anyway so the chances are probably higher. and maybe for this short period of time when im writing this post, i can try and pretend that youre my best friend and my kor again.

it was 16th jan that started us off initially. the day of absolute fun with you, jo irwin and jenkin, even though we havent really talked to each other. i rmbred how you popped up infront of us at kallang macs, and how we sang oreo and sunwukong songs while jumping wildly on the way to the indoor stadium. and the small talks during the match and cup noodles from 7-eleven later.

you know what, its getting really hard to do this.

we shared lots of memories. happy ones, in fact. and i dont think i can name all of them out, because by the time i finish, i'll probably be crying already. but i dont like to cry, and i think you know that too. i loved talking to you on the phones, i love going to suntec with you+oliver+tiff+jo, i love skipping school and pe to study chinese tests with you, i love learning bball from you, i love acting like we're gan eng seng kids, i love playing darts and pool at yr hse, i love reading yr yearbooks and exploring arnd your room, planting the chips under the palm tree with 3 leaves, yelling into drains, swimming with the tanglin THRUST kiddies etc etc.

but what made me so upset was how we once promised to stay best friends forever no matter what and at that point of time i foolishly believed that will come true. i miss holding yr hands and running up and down suntec, i miss confiding in you whenever i quarrel with someone cos you'll always be there for me no matter what. to me, you'll always stay as a best friend.

sorry for the day when you tried to talk to me at the squash courts but i could only yell at you. when i first went there, i went with the intention of making up with you cos back then i have already started to miss you as a kor. but somehow i think my temper got the better of me and we ended up quarreling again. you did try to salvage matters i suppose but the holidays only made it even worse because we didnt even contact each other at all. its my fault now that we're no longer best friends. i regret it, yes i do. i regret it so much more than the irwin thing.

that day i called you and we talked about what exactly went wrong. then we started recalling about the stuff that we did together. it was then did i realise that i wasnt the only one who missed those times and that made me feel abit glad cos it means our friendship was strong enough. and then there was this short period of time when i really couldnt bring myself to say anything so both of us just stayed on the phone and listened to nothing. and that reminded me of the times when we'll call each other, keep quiet and type online instead of talking on the phone. i dont know if you knew but at that short period of time i got so sad i just sat there and kept crying while you talked about the stuff we went through. and its all that that makes a best friend valuable.

nat, if you ever read this. well, just know that you'll always stay as a best friend even though right now we arent talking alot. but hey at least both of us make the effort to wave and exchange conversations now and then and pretend nothing happened. so yeah at least we're on okay terms now. the last thing i'd want you to do is to ever hate me.

<3, genie (your ex mei-cum-english-seating-partner!)